Do you think you have a forgiving nature? When those closest to you make mistakes or act unthinkingly do you have the ability to calm yourself down and think of a broader perspective ? Perhaps put yourself in their position and see an underlying reason why they have behaved as they did? .
Forgiveness plays an important role in relationships and in society at large. A bit of forgiveness here or there keeps relationships growing, but – if we continually forgive someone we can also deny them an opportunity to grow and develop decent and honourable behaviour and their poor behaviour can start to seem normal to them.
If we have a tendency to people please then forgiving quickly without letting the person know our boundaries have been crossed can become what we grow accustomed and comfortable doing. Also, if we have good intentions we can hope or assume other people do too. .
Research shows that people who exhibit aggressive behaviour towards their partners, such as slapping, throwing or hitting were more likely to continue the behaviour if their partner was forgiving. In a case like this the act of forgiving becomes a chronic over-forgiving and harms both people. We must be aware of what behaviour we are sanctioning, indirectly or otherwise and consider what we are accepting and endorsing through forgiveness as at some point a change will need to be made. .
So, if you feel uncomfortable speaking up for yourself and are in the habit of over forgiving then ask yourself what damage you may be causing not only to yourself but to the other person. Perhaps, speaking up is not about being demanding, troublesome or contrary but being honest enough to prevent people from living with a fantasy that their behaviour is acceptable to you when in truth it isn’t. .