Drama is about amplifying a challenge or situation. It is a way to escalate and ramp up the conflict or engagement with someone and get the need for attention and control met. People that are drama magnets don’t always see their role in the drama though and can drag people into the chaos they create.
If you have ever been in a relationship that is fuelled by drama, then the likely hood is you will have felt anxious and drained. When a relationship is balanced and healthy it will give both people enough room to grow and for the relationship to breathe but If one person is recreating patterns from their past and projecting them into the present, then drama ensues. We are often pulled toward what feels familiar and as emotion comes before thought we can end up acting out an old behaviour rather than being aware enough to let conscious thought loop back around and break the pattern.
If we do not create some awareness of the impact of our behaviour on ourselves and others, then relationships can remain stifled and friendships eroded. It is easy to think drama lies with the other person and if they would change then we would be ok but it takes two people to participate in a drama scene and understanding what part we are playing can be the key to the exit door.
If you find you create drama or are surrounded by those who do then consider the points below.
We can’t control other people but we can influence a situation by our own behaviour. When we respond rather than unconsciously react -we can start to dismantle a dynamic by interjecting a new behaviour. When one person gracefully opts out of a drama fuelled interaction the pattern will start to shift. Communicate clearly and if you don’t understand what the other person is conveying then get clarification. Keep communication to “I feel” rather then “You make me feel” as this keeps the conversation more neutral.
Be aware of what is your emotional stuff and what is the other persons. It is easy to point the finger and blame our partner or friend for how we feel but it is only when we are accountable for our part that in a situation that we can change. Remember, being able to have time to calm down if emotions are running high will help gain clarity. Taking an inventory of ourselves and what we may need to resolve, heal or let go of in our own life will help us step out of the blame game and become more aware and honest.
Manage your Emotions.
When we feel stressed it can be harder to find the spare emotional capacity to think clearly and be non -reactive. Engaging in activities that help us relax on a regular basis and practising the breathing technique I often refer to called 7-11 will enable us to activate the relaxation response more quickly when we need it and this will help cognitive thought. When we are able to understand how we can manage the way we feel this will help us deal with drama magnets more efficiently and see where it maybe seeping in to our life. When we delete drama from our life we have energy that we can use in other areas that is more productive.
We must know what out boundaries are and be willing to let others know when they have crossed them. I often think of boundaries as the sign posts to others that let them know where they can go. If you have ever struggled with knowing what yours are then try asking yourself what would be a step too far for somebody to take and work your way back. Write them down if it helps. It took me years to work out what mine were and once I knew I could easily let another person know when their behaviour didn’t sit well with me, be clear as to why and express what I felt. It didn’t matter if they continued to play out their drama as I was clear it wasn’t mine to deal with.